I spent my early 20’s investing entirely too much time in bad, unhealthy or, simply, just not right relationships and there was one thing that usually kept me around for much longer than a sane person should stay- the time I’d invested in the relationship already.
If I could go back and hold that young girls face in my hands, this is what I would tell her- Don’t worry about the time.
I know that you’ve just spent the last year with this guy that all of your friends and family “love,” but if he’s not it, he’s not it.
I know that you thought he was “the one,” but that time invested doesn’t negate the truth- that he has hidden his issues from you, and waited to reveal them at this precise moment, knowing that your investment in him will make you more likely to stay.
I know that dating sucks.
I know that starting over with someone new is exhausting.
I know that you want to be done dating.
I know that you don’t want to introduce someone else to your child.
But, it is wrong.
He is wrong.
Your relationship is wrong.
Don’t let the time that you’ve “wasted” be a deciding factor in what you put up with. Don’t let time lower your standards.
Don’t cut him more slack just because you’ve “known” him longer- In fact, cut him less slack.
Now that he’s comfortable and he’s no longer trying to impress you, you can see the reality.
You can feel the truth.
And, maybe he’s not a bad guy. Maybe, he’s just the wrong guy. And, if that’s the case, then don’t waste another minute on him.
Don’t let him waste another minute on you.
Don’t be scared to say how you’re feeling; to say that it’s just off. Don’t put it off for fear of hurting feelings, because the longer you wait, the more it will sting and the more mistakes that will be made.
And when you’re reflecting on this relationship, thinking about all of the time that you’ve “wasted,” believe me when I tell you that’s a lie.
It’s never wasted.
Because you’ve learned something about yourself, or about someone else.
You’ve learned that your gut is always on stand-by, ready to alert the troops when something’s not right.
You’ve learned that it takes “wasting” some time to really get to know someone for who they really are.
You’ve learned what not to do; who not to date and how not to act.
You’ve learned more about yourself and who you are and what you want and where you want to be.
Don’t worry about the time.
They say, “when you know, you know.”
And that’s not just for when things are right.