1. Toddler found the panic button to our home alarm system at 8 a.m. You can guess what happened next.
2. The baby started teething and demanded to be held 24/7.
3. The potty training toddler dropped a turd in his sisters room approximately 4 times.
4. The potty training toddler subsequently rubbed his poop all over his body on 2 different occasions, as if applying lotion. He also painted the door and carpet with it.
5. Toddler was shooting peas out of his mouth at the dinner table. He also bent his hard plastic fork like some sort of caveman.
6. Preschooler couldn’t find her shoes x100.
7. It took the preschooler 3 hours to clean her room (aka, put away 5 items).
8. Toddler threw a full bottle of water on his baby sisters head while we were grocery shopping, then said, “uh-oh!”
9. Preschooler asked approximately 252,567 questions, including, “What does Monday look like?” I declined to answer, as “a shit show” was not an appropriate answer for a 4 year old.
10. Toddler poked a whole in 2 packs of mushrooms while grocery shopping; chewed the lid off of 2 cans of pringles and hollered for bananas for the entire duration of the magical grocery shopping debacle.
“Have kids!” They said.
“It’ll be fun,” They said.